Lord, what fools these mortals be.

In keeping with my New Year’s resolution to be more punctual– some might say I am destined for lateness– this is not an expired Christmas post; it’s an extremely early Valentine’s Day post.

So, in lieu of flowers, cards and candy, I have scoured the Internet to bring you the best web-geek wear (OH: do keep the Valentine’s day sex, so you’ll need to remove these items prior) and miscellaneous other geeky chachkas as viable gift options.

Social Media & Internet Fads

After wading through an assortment of “I Facebooked Your Mom” and “Tom is NOT my friend” shirts for the mainstream social media giants– gosh, I’m sorry to say, but I have no nominees for these two.  Or maybe they’re just not niche enough for me to ever consider them cool on a t-shirt, no matter how saucy the commentary.

#1 – Craigslist Missed Connections Wall Print ($12)

Speaking of niches, I’ve never been shy about my rampant enthusiasm for craigslist’s missed connections or, the young professionals’ obiturary column, as I like to call them.  I read them with my NetNewsWire and coffee.  Please take a moment to appreciate the geographic accuracy, reflected artistically, in this print (it was also once offered as a shirt at the same site, but seems to have disappeared– so write and ask for one, if you want one).  Prints are also available for the m4m, m4w, w4m, & w4w subcategories.  That’s almost enough to make a cynical, pop-culture-lovin’ analyst weep.

#2 – LOLSpeak Poetry Magnets ($12)

These need no introduction.  kthxbai.

Word List: 2, 2, !!1!, !!1!, ?, <3, a, and, and, awsum, bed, borked, brb, bukkit, bunneh, but, cake, can, cat, cat, catnip, caturday, ceiling, cheezburger, cookie, danse, dere, dey, diabeetus, did, dis, do, dog, doin, eated, emo, fail, flavr, frozn, fud, goin, gud, hai, happy, harbl, has, has, hotdog, hover, i, i, in, intarwebs, invisible, it, iz, iz, k, kitteh, kthxbai, kyoot, lazer, lie, lol, lolrus, luv, maded, mah, mai, me, moar, monorail, nao, noes, nom, not, o, omg, pew pew pew, plz, purrito, pwned, r, r, rly, s, saw, sez, show, so, srsly, sum, taek, teh, teh, thx, u, u, ur, ur, want, what, wif, wrong, wtf, wuz, y, z, ,

Available from the LOLMart.

#3 – “wearing my twitter shirt” Shirt ($19+)

While there was the punny, “Show us your tweets” option here, there’s nothing like a good ol’ tongue-in-cheek #generaltweet joke for any avid twitter user.

buying my twitter shirt here.

#4 – Bathroom Blogger T-Shirt ($19+)

Oh, yes you do.  What with society becoming more fast-paced everyday, how many people actually have time to blog at their desks?  Time = money, baby.

Also, I’ve recently coined the term “iPhanal retentive” to describe those of you who can’t go to the bathroom without taking your iPhone.  Use it; love it– spread it like confetti.

Next time you’re on the throne, you can order your “bathroom blogger” t-shirt here.

Web Acronyms & Memes!

#1 – “LMAO” T-Shirt ($16-$18)

When I really do “LOL” at text, I like to qualify to the other person in appreciation: “I just LOL’d at that– like, OL.”  The growing gap between exaggerated emoto-web-expressions and the reality of what people are doing on the other end of their laptops and cell phones never ceases to amuse me.  So, when I rarely “LOL OL” at text, do people, like, laugh their asses off at it? Srsly?

Apparently, they do.

Get your ass here.

#2 – “FTW!” T-Shirt ($16-$18)

“FTW!” had a huge year, knocking out “Web 2.0″ FTW to take meme of the year just before 2008 closed out.

Hurry, though– memes move fast.

Available at Thinkgeek.

#3 – “WTF?” Mug ($7)

Who could’ve ever doubted than an expression like “WTF?” would stand the test of time?  I mean, WTF? Great ideas got stayin’ power.

And here it is, fittingly branded where you’ll probably need it most.

Mug me here; shirt me here.

Once you go Mac, you never go back

#1 – “God Uses a Mac” Shirt ($22)

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Projection is the quickest path to ego-inflation.

… but so irresistible.

Feel closer to God here.  (Or visit the Apple Store, if you’re not yet one of the Chosen People.)

#2 – “Slide to Unlock” iPhone Ladies Thong ($13)

‘Nuff said.  Come and get ‘em.

If you’re really an Apple enthusiast, or you’re just keen to get “unlocked,” order the matching babydoll shirt ($19) here.

Miscellaneous nerd shirts that may, or may not, have web / tech flair:

(Click on the photo to be magically transported to the store’s website.)

#1 – “Reading is crazy” T-Shirt ($18)

#2 – “Sudo” T-Shirt ($17)

#3 – “Science” T-Shirt ($17)